Why is that cardinal knocking on my window?
lbelle
15 years ago
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feather_z9_ncacoast
15 years agolbelle
14 years agoRelated Discussions
My cat chewed my palm.. is that why?
Comments (12)Hi Toni!!!! I'm noodling around here, waiting for my bread to cool on the racks :) Everytime I see a thread about a cat chewing plants, I remember when I posted the same thing as well a few years ago. Boy, the kinds of plants I can have is limited to "would Bud chew this". So I currently have peace lillies, shcefflera's, both the Hawaiaan and the umbrella (my favourite style). I couldn't resist buying a 10" pot that was on sale for $4. It's a large spiky thing, (a dracaena?) but alas, Bud thought the tips looked tempting. So I have it in the spare room on top of a pail of kitty litter on the table in front of the window! Hopefully out of Bud's reach. I thought the plant was immune to his taste buds, but he was crunching on it the same day I bought it when it was on the livingroom floor, which is where I had imagined it being. Upon looking at the peace lily I see that he's found it! Note the chewed tips. A friend gave me some spider plant babies, so I had them rooting on the kitchen sill. Bud doesn't go up there, so they were safe. They were, until I planted them in some small pots, and one was upside down in the sink. I now have them hanging in the window, and 2 are i the bathroom on top of the over the toilet cabinet. Smudge was rubbing his face on the pineapple top that I have growing. Silly boy! I was afraid he'd poke his eye on the spikes! If I see him doing it again (I admonished him) the pineapple will go out in the trash....See MoreWhy is my aloe plant dying?
Comments (2)"...replant it with the dirt that didn't get absorbed by the carpet..." Dorm carpet? It eats all kinds of things. Be careful your laptop doesn't fall. A pic or two certainly would help. Failing that, what type of soil is it in and does the pot have drainage holes and did you add any old fritos or corn curls to the soil when you picked it off the floor? tj...See MoreFemale cardinal driving me NUTS!!
Comments (4)Okay.......here's what I'm trying now. I have a fake owl in my golf cart shed, to hopefully keep the mice from chewing all the wires. I set it on a pole in front of the window. We'll see if it works. It's so funny.......on one of the windows, she slides down and all you can see is her little head looking through the corner of the window. She's cute...........but still drives me nuts! hahaha I've never had any other kind of bird doing this. For many years, we had an old pickup truck parked by another shed. A male cardinal spent his days pecking at the side mirror. I wonder why just cardinals do it? Maybe their red colors reflect more??...See MoreWhy I Cut My MIL Off
Comments (42)"...cindylou, imagine if you can what it would be like after all you and your husband have experienced with your MIL if your own children grew up and estranged you..." If I had a child who estranged me, I would not think it had anything to do or not to do with my MIL. I would not think that they owed me a relationship because I tolerated my MIL (maybe I misunderstood what you meant by connecting my MIL into that idea). If my child estranged me suddenly and with no warning and if I asked and they said, "You know", and I truly didn't, I would make the assumption they didn't quite didn't know themselves. That they have feelings and upsets they don't quite understand themselves and that they needed time away from me to work them out. (This is assuming there's no mental illness or addiction. If there is mental illness or addiction, then I do know and frankly, maybe I'm just getting too old, but I've seen the hopelessness and heartache of addiction and mental illness, and I think I'd just be grateful for being cut out). More likely, I would have been told the answer. And I'd accept it, even if it didn't make sense. "Because you wore blue to my kindergaren graduation." Huh? Ok. I don't think I'd argue. I can't imagine arguing with an adult child. They are an adult. I barely argue with them now. My parents didn't argue with me, I never saw them argue with their parents. My aunts and uncles on both sides didn't argue with either their adult children or their parents. It's just not done. I can't imagine it. There are differences of opinion and hurt feelings and misunderstandings and on rare occasions, conflict between adult members of my extended family. Of course there is. But everyone seems to understand a basic rule. I live my life and you live yours, and I can offer my opinion and it's fair if you don't follow it. The person who's business it is, gets the final say. The person who has the most responsibility gets to decide. The person who takes the biggest risk chooses. We are none of us perfect people; but we don't squabble and manipulate and gang up on each other and form one alliance and then another to force family members to do what we want. And we don't stab each other in the back. That's such a bizarre concept to me. And we are very close--without melodrama. There's not a lot of conflict. So if a child told me, "I don't want contact from you because you wouldn't let me go to Aruba on spring break." I'd respect that. I'd figure sooner or later they'd understand. Or if not, sooner or later it wouldn't matter any more. I would absolutely believe that eventually they'd come back. Not the way they were, it wouldn't be the same relationship, but had we stayed close, it wouldn't be the same relationship at 30 as it was at 20 or 10. Would I miss them and be hurt. You bet. But I'd be comforted that I would see them again and focus on the other blessings of my life while I waited. I truly believe that if you love something you let it go, and if it loves you, it will come back. And if it doesn't come back, you never had it to begin with. If after 10 or 20 years there was still no contact, I'd have to face the fact that it's probably for the best. We didn't have the relationship I thought we had; I didn't know them, and we obviously weren't a match even if they have half my DNA. Do I hope to have close, intimate relationships with the families of my adult children? Of course. But I will be happy with any non exploitive relationship my children feel comfortable with. I may want more contact or less, depending on the personalities, but perfection doesn't happen in relationships; it's like tension between togetherness and individuality that has to be worked out in a marriage. When your children are adults with families, you renegotiate your relationship, and if it REALLY doesn't work for someone, you might have to walk away. Sad, painful, but realistic. I have a coworker who is retiring and moving to be closer to her daughter and grandchildren. They are delighted to have her. On a recent house hunting trip she was dismayed that her daughter seemed to expect/demand a lot of babysitting from her. She's not moving there to take on the responsibility of babysitting her grandchildren, altho she does hope to see a lot of them and participate in their lives. Things were tense as she attempted to come to understanding with her daughter. She came back and asked if things don't work out in the other state, can she have her job back. I sometimes in the past had wondered if she's a meddling MIL so much does she talk about her grandchildren. But I see now she's got a life outside them and is not exploiting her daughter's family to fill the emptiness (if any) in her own life. And she's not going to allow herself to be exploited by her daughter however much she loves her family. She sees her standing up for herself may result in a cut off; and I respect her handling of this delicate situation. I'm sure it will all work out, but I can see myself in her place; in any relationship, there's always the possibility that you or the other person will walk away for whatever reason. You may think, oh yeah, you are so philosophical, just wait until it happens to you. Well, like anything, what choices do you have: you either accept with grace or you don't. How does not accepting with grace help anything? The ends don't justify the means. Bullying, manipulating, harassing, yelling...none of that is going to help. If you accept with grace, while you are waiting for the problem to resolve itself enough so the child talks to you again with a willingness to compromise, at least you can still have meaning and pleasure in your life. It also gives you time to reflect as well. It might not be that you did something WRONG, it's just that you don't mesh well. And you can measure in the absence how you and your adult child's family don't mesh and what you are willing to compromise to make the relationship more pleasant for EVERYONE. "Mom, you can never be unsupervised with my kids." "Why?" "Because you are a taurus". Huh? Well, that makes no sense to me. But why jeopardize my supervised visits with my grandchildren which can be wonderful by arguing if being a taurus prevents one from being a good grandma or not. Why fill that time with strife and anger and posturing and demands and righteousness and counter accusations when I can be on the floor playing Candyland and angling for the chocolate swamp or coloring in Barbie coloring books or stacking Lincoln logs as high as the sky. Who cares if DIL is glaring at me when my darling grandson and I are holding our breathes to see if we can make a Pixie Stix teepee? I believe letting them go gracefully gets them back eventually, and if it doesn't, the relationship would have just caused heartache all around anyway, estranged or not....See Moreamysrq
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